I have become a little better at listening, but I still have a lot to learn.
There were two reasons why I used to be such a poor listener. My mind was always filled with to-do lists, planning what needed to be done at home and at work, both today and tomorrow. Even when someone was speaking to me, my thoughts were often somewhere else.
The second reason was that, while someone was talking, I would already be thinking about what I wanted to say in response. Instead of allowing them to finish, I would interrupt with my own thoughts.
James 1:19 reminds us:
“Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
Good listening requires patience, humility, and understanding. Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is simply listen before we speak.
When I remarried in 2021, my husband helped me realise just how much I needed to improve my listening skills. He is a wonderful listener. When you speak to him, he gives you his full attention and remembers the details you share. If you mention an upcoming event, he will often call afterwards to ask how it went.
No wonder he has maintained friendships with five people for more than fifty years. Incredible!
Watching him has taught me that listening is more than hearing words. It is about showing someone that what they say matters to you.
I still have to make a conscious effort to clear my mind and focus on the person speaking. I also know my limitations: when a conversation becomes very long and one-sided, I sometimes struggle to maintain my concentration. I am learning that becoming a better listener takes practice, patience, and self-awareness.
Listening to the world around us
Listening isn’t only about the conversations we have with people. It is also about becoming aware of the sounds that surround us every day.
This morning, I went for a walk along the seashore and deliberately paid attention to what I could hear. The waves hitting the rocks, birds chirping in the trees, two friends laughing, a group of mountain cyclists passing by, and the motor of a boat heading out to sea.
It made me wonder: How many of us truly notice the sounds around us?
I have discovered something interesting about myself. Although I sometimes struggle to concentrate during conversations, I am becoming much more aware of the different sounds in nature and my surroundings.
Perhaps this is another reminder that listening is a skill we can develop, one moment at a time.
Are we really listening to one another?
I sometimes wonder whether our busy lives and preoccupied minds contribute to misunderstandings in our friendships and relationships.
We ask someone, “How are you?” but are we genuinely interested in hearing the answer? Or are we simply exchanging words while thinking about our own problems and what we need to do next?
How often do we interrupt, offer advice before understanding the situation, or respond without really answering the question being asked?
We all want to feel heard, understood, and valued. Yet, in the rush of everyday life, we can forget to offer that same attention to others.
Thankfully, there are people like my husband who genuinely listen, remember, and care. Imagine how much more connected we could feel if we all made a little more effort to do the same.
Listening can strengthen relationships, encourage empathy, reduce loneliness, and help people feel that they matter. Sometimes, giving someone your undivided attention is one of the simplest ways to show kindness.
And while we may not enjoy every sound around us — a constantly barking dog, loud music, or people shouting — perhaps we can pause before becoming irritated and consider the situation with a little more understanding. There may be reasons we don’t know about, even though that doesn’t mean every disturbance is acceptable.
A little more listening, a little more understanding
As I continue working on my listening skills, I am discovering that listening to other people’s experiences can help me recognise that I am not alone in the challenges I face.
When we genuinely hear one another’s stories, we learn, we grow, and we begin to understand life from perspectives beyond our own. Our friendships can deepen, our relationships can strengthen, and we may even discover new ways of dealing with our own difficulties.
I still have much to learn, but I am beginning to understand the value of pausing, allowing others to finish speaking, and giving them my full attention.
So, the next time someone speaks to you, try not to think about what you will say next. Simply listen.
And when you step outside, take a moment to listen to the world around you. You might be surprised by how much you have been missing.
After all, we have been given the ability to hear, but learning to truly listen is a gift we can give to one another.
Sometimes, the greatest thing we can say to someone is nothing at all. We simply need to listen.
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